Shock Abs: Need of the time

Just as Shock Absorbers in a car help reduce the effect of bad roads, some of them installed in our minds would surely help a lot in maintaining relationships..

As we drive on the road, we consciously or unconsciously avoid the big potholes (which are common in Mumbai) to avoid the sudden discomfort caused to us. There are eventually such incidents, where you cant control from pulling over the pothole and in the course cause discomfort to yourself and all the passengers. In our real lives, we come across such situations quite often where we face some potholes and the same if we don't avoid, can cause discomfort.

In a relationship, may it be any - parents, friends, loved ones, there are many times when we feel bad about something, it may be the actions or words, it certainly disturbs you somewhere deep within you. It may not be something which was intended to be done but was purely coincidental and done in a rage. We humans many a time say or do a lot in rage of something. We are connected with a lot of things in our lives and any change in that might affect our mental balance. At such times, we wont think of what we are doing or what we say but at the end of the day someone's hearing us and someone's being affected by that. What the whole phenomenon does is, it affects the relationship.

In this article, I would like put forth an understanding where we can try to keep a cushion or a shock absorber within our selves for such kind of events. The moment when someone says something bad or unacceptable, it would surely have some reason behind it, some kind of rage which is making that person do so. If we as the second person, or the person who is on the listening side, stays calm and tries to understand what is causing the first person to do so, life can really be a lot simpler. Pre-judging or assuming do bring in a lot of misunderstandings and might harm the whole fortress of the relationship. If in any brawl or argument between two persons in this world has atleast one of them with his head calm, the relationship would surely survive. It would be like a half won war when with a calm head. In today's world, we have so many tensions and stresses' that keep going up every day and those moments where one would do something in the fit of rage is highly probable.

So, while driving, just as we avoid or ignore the discomfort caused by the pothole on the road and carry on with the road ahead, we take a lesson that we should take the road ahead in any relationship even we face some kind of potholes which would lead to discomfort...

Assume data wherever necessary

It a common rule in most of the academic papers we write, atleast in engineering papers, where they mention a rule "Assume suitable data wherever necessary" which subtly means that they should not be blamed in case there are any discrepancies in data sufficiency!! I suppose they have kept that as a template as I was never surprised to find that rule mentioned even in theory papers !! Leave apart the education system, I had never thought that really applied in real life, of course, not in all cases.


Did I surprise you, may be not, its pretty much a fact of life. We assume suitable things here and there before checking them and even before realizing what impact would it have on the relationships surrounding you.But we are comfortable assuming things. The moment we get some what comfortable with new people around us, we tend to assume things about them before they are actually clarified. There are many times when you assume things even after being in a relation for a long time and may be times when you dont even know the person. Now how many people have assumed Priyanka chopra is a great person by nature even before knowing her??

Remember the last time, when you saw your boss shouting at your colleague at something and you assumed that he was arrogant, cruel etc etc. But the next time you confronted him he was all not that bad !! Personally speaking, I really did go through the example mentioned above at my workplace. That was about your boss, he is meant to be arrogant at times, just to meet the company targets. Lets understand how that might be when we talk about someone like a friend, a relative. A friend of yours who is really short tempered, does it make him/her really bad at heart. Naah,Wrong thing to assume !! Many a times people might behave different in the situations they face in life and would be heavily characterized by their daily mood, problems issues faced in life etc. I personally have asked a friend of mine if he had a bad day that day after he scolded me once, and he really did have a bad day... But it was really good for him to open up and let me know the reasons or else my stupid mind would have assumed many things about him that day and maybe that would have seriously affected our friendship !! That was the day when I really went by the motto "Dare to assume and care to understand"

Remember the next time you assume suitable things about your near and dear ones, they might really prove to be a dent in the relationship.. Thanks.

Bad roads !!

A road with full of pits also leads to discomfort in a relationship

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Mumbai, the financial capital of India and my hometown has one thing which discomforts and irritates all of its inhabitants - the roads - are full of pits/trenches. The shock absorbers of any vehicle are completed put to a test to ensure a smooth ride. But we cannot in any way build better shock abs and hence and should thus try and built better roads. Better roads are built by an efficient spend on infrastructure, use of the perfect materials and minimal corruption! While reading this you must be wondering as to what I am trying to reach to !! I am putting ahead the similarity between the two - relationship and bad roads !

A relationship - may whatever it may be - siblings, friends, bf/gfs - they dont matter, they all take the same road. The road in the relationship completely dictates the comfort that one would be in the relationship. It completely depends on the way the vehicle is driven !! There are ways of driving the relationship - you either take it slow over the pits thus ensuring minimum discomfort, or you simple steer to avoid those pitfalls. There is also one more method which you wouldnt want to take which is driving fast anyhow the road maybe which would be disastrous for the vehicle as well as the passengers !!

A relationship is a very tender, cannot bear major disturbances while in journey. Once you go through a bad stretch, one will and should ensure that it (the pits) are avoided next time or the vehicle is slowed down to great extent! Once a relationship is through a turbulence, the vehicle has to be pulled back to its normal speed with great efforts - shifting to lower gears and pulling it back to normal speed. The relationship also thus goes to the base where it started from and has to be pulled up from the lower gears to higher speeds !! So as mentioned above, the roads must be built with efficient spend on the infrastructure and good materials, ensures that the roads are built for the future..

Though the road authorities claim that only 3% of the accidents on the road are due to bad roads, I feel the number would be much higher than that because of Bad Roads !! Happiness is where you get smooth and pit-free roads in life !!

Pacifying Yourself !

There are 2 things humans have created to pacify themselves in this world. Each and every person in his life sees times when he is down,depressed and has the whole world against him. At such times does he give up, does he fight back or keeps going as the water flows in a river ? Frankly speaking, I would not know what would he do in such a case.. would purely depend on individual preferences..

But according to my observations of the world what I have seen, man has himself developed / believed in certain things which keep him afloat above all the depressions he has in his life. Those things would help him get out of the same. Would certainly like to say that it is " believed " that those things would help him get out of those depressions.. Those couple of things are

1. God

2. Destiny / Luck - whatever u call they are the same

God is our ultimate belief.. we always attribute our happiness as well as sadness to God. We always say whatever happens is for the best because God has decided that for us. We always pray to god, in our good times as well as bad times. Does our prayers get answered ?

For destiny, we have heard many people or I myself have cursed or praised my luck several times !! "It must have been written in my destiny" is what most of the people end up saying. Isnt it ?

Does God Answer Our Prayers?

If God were to fulfill the desires of people according to their prayers then the Impartial Lord would become "partial" towards those who pray.

Then how does God fulfill the desires of His devotees?

Lord Krishna says "Whatever form a devotee seeks to worship with "faith" that "faith" of his I make firm in him". (Bhagavad Gita7/21)

From the material Standpoint, when we pray, and deter¬mine to achieve something we develop a "faith" in the goal and confidence in ourselves to do so. Faith is a, growing belief rooted in understanding. As this "faith" increases, the mind becomes more and more efficient. A single - pointed mind is indeed a mighty force against which no obstacles can stand for long. This "faith" irrespective of the chosen goal, is that which ultimately takes each one of us to our success.

Then what? How does one gain the fulfillment of his desire?

Reinforced with that "faith" in his chosen field man works harder. The Lord admits that by "His" grace that "faith" increases and consequently the efforts also increase with the increase of "faith". We put forth more and more efforts and as a result our desires are fulfilled. So, to say that we have been praying for years and our prayers have never been heard is the complaint of not those who pray but those, who only beg, without constantly striving hard to achieve.

From the spiritual standpoint, this verse is a very important one as it has carved out a distinct character for the Hindus—their unbelievable sense of tolerance towards all other religions in the world. The Hindu knows that "Truth is one; sages call it by different names." In whatever form man worships his God with "faith", in that form God shall be revealed to him.

Both in material and spiritual successes the secret of achievement is one and the same. If one desires the worldly things one gains them; if the spiritual experience, then one gains that too. If one's desires are materialistic •then one will seek them through worldly "devatas" (powers) and find one's immediate fulfillment.

Efforts remaining the same, the results depend upon whether we strive out-worldly for the passing joys, or dive inward to reach the permanent Bliss in the Self. In short, we can have what we wish for, if only our powers of wishing are powerful enough. Prayer brings about the necessary mental integration in ourselves, and assures our success
in any field of endeavor.

Remember, prayer is not beggary. Nor is it merely an exaggerated glorification of some unknown entity called God repeated mechanically by the mouth in a language which is unknown to the devotee. Prayer is invocation with the mind contemplating on the greater Reality of Life, the Essential Life that energizes, activates, thrills the inert world
of matter into living creatures, expands itself and in this expansion it soars higher into kingdoms of joyous experiences and true unfoldments.

Author : Swami Chinmayananda
Source : Swami Chinmayananda